EXPERIENCES / SEX

Trust, Control, & BDSM: Who Wants To Hold My Leash?

a personal story of fear transformed into empowerment

BDSM (short for bondage, discipline/domination, sadism, and masochism) was never something I considered trying. This was mainly because I felt that I’d be giving my power away, but it was also because I thought I’d immediately punch any man who tried to put his hands around my throat.

After much consideration and persuasion from my friends, I found the one and only person I’ve ever wholeheartedly trusted and asked him if he wanted to experiment.

He said yes.

I like to be in control, which was the hardest part for me to get past. But once we started, it snowballed and we ended up buying a ton of different toys — whips, ties, handcuffs, blindfolds, vibrators, and, my personal favorite, a collar and leash.

As I had mentioned, I was afraid of losing control, but what I was surprised to find was a whole new level of trust that you can have in someone as well as a newfound control in being submissive.

A main factor of BDSM is knowing, understanding, trusting, and listening to your partner about what they like (and dislike) and want (and don’t want) to experience during the scene in which you’re engaging. The only issue I found was not a lack of control. It was that the person I decided to experiment with was my ex. After a few months of fun, feelings fucked it all up, of course. So now I’m sexless and searching for a new master to please.

Since trust and control are my two main issues, I aspire to find someone for a lifetime and not just one for the night. But now that I’m single and kinkier, I’m left wondering: Is BDSM more enjoyable in a relationship because of the trust and comfortability, or is it better while you’re single so you can channel your inner freak without worry of judgment? After some “research” I can follow up this article with an answer to that question… but for now, who wants to hold my leash?

*A little disclosure for those of you who want to dabble in BDSM, please learn how to openly communicate your needs, wants, and boundaries with your partner(s). Safewords and limits need to be known and established before you begin to play. Have fun.

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Trust, Control, & BDSM: Who Wants To Hold My Leash?

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